First of all, thanks so much to everyone who commented on my last post. It means a lot to know I have you all on my side, sending love and good wishes and tons of support. It really means a lot, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Wednesday night I decided to call it quits. To celebrate, I had an all-out food fest: waaaaay too much greasy chinese food, 1/4 of a HUGE blueberry muffin, popsicles, and 2 pieces of cheese. It was gluttonous and disgusting and, at the time, exactly what I felt I needed. I ate it all upstairs in my bedroom (thank Gd candles can help to get rid of the gross chinese food smell) while watching episode after episode of Sex and the City.
It was a one-night return to my old life.
And then, without meditating or taking my supplements, I went to sleep. Or, I should say, I ATTEMPTED to go to sleep--much, much earlier than I needed to.
After an hour of tossing and turning I finally got up, went downstairs and chugged what felt like a gallon of water. I then went back upstairs and fell asleep, only to be woken up many times throughout the night sweating, with my heart racing and my head pounding. I was paranoid I was having a heart attack or something, but my chest wasn't hurting or tight, so I knew it was probably a mini panic attack and response to all of the grease and sugar in my system.
And in the morning, I felt like shit.
It was like a terrible hangover without the pleasant memory of the fun time that caused it. I hit 'snooze' literally 5 or 6 times, had an awful headache, and terrible energy. I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed to go to work, and let me tell you, singing with dozens of 3-year-olds when feeling this way is not quite fun. I also forced myself into the swimming pool after work, and while it sucked the entire time, I did manage to have a good workout.
I knew the second I woke up on Thursday that this was not the lifestyle I want to continue for myself. Waking up with a stomach full of grease, feeling draggy and lifeless, is not how I want to begin my days. So, back on the program I went and on the program I will stay.
Some of you who read this may remember this post, where I talked about my first gain on the WW program and how maybe Gd made it happen to show me the power of self-love and acceptance. Once again, Gd has taught me a lesson through gaining weight; this time, I learned the power of a healthy lifestyle and how it really does make a difference in my daily life. After spending Thursday eating well, taking my supplements, meditating, exercising, etc., I have woken up this morning feeling pretty damn good. I ate a healthy breakfast, filled with filling protein and fiber and fruits and veggies, and I am getting ready to head out the door to go exercise.
I think I am going to let this program be hard for me sometimes. I seem to gain so much more than just pounds whenever the scale goes up. These small realizations are incredibly powerful and are usually the sign from Gd I need to keep going.
Lose or gain, Gd is with me and teaching me every step of the way.
ברוך אתה ה' פוקח עורים
Blessed are you, Gd, who opens the eyes of the blind.