Last night was my 3rd Stateside WW meeting since I've been home. After last week, I was a little nervous to step on the scale (OK, I was PETRIFIED...I knew I'd be upset if the numbers went up again.) I walked in, gave my card and chart to the nice lady at the desk, slowly took off my new sneakers, and hesitantly stepped onto the scale. My whole body was shaking, as though I was about to dive into deep water or jump out of a plane. It was the first time I've been this nervous to get back on a scale in almost a year.
The scale yielded good results this week--down 1.4 lbs! I am slowly getting back on track, getting used to American food and lifestyle and trying like hell to exercise at least 5 times a week. I am working with my therapist to dive deeper into the emotional issues that have made me this way and working hard to avoid the fast food that is calling my name more and more as of late. I am continuing the positive changes that I made this year, though adapting them to fit into my American life again.
The biggest change has been taking large chunks of time for myself. No longer is my life focused on my mom and her needs. I spend my mornings working with the pre-schoolers at the JCC, then swimming, then running whatever errands I need to run for the day. I've been shopping a lot, which is fun, and trying to read and practice cantillation a little everyday. So far, it's been a very fulfilling summer, and I hope it continues.
Spending time on yourself is fun! And, from what I've noticed, it makes it so much easier for me to care for the people in my life. I guess I've learned that I need to meet my own needs before I can meet the needs of others.
I also decided a few days after I got home that even if I just maintain the work that I did all year, not losing more but not gaining anything back, I will be OK with that. This summer, it's more important for me to be healthy and figure out how to live with my mom again than to lose more weight.
I'm not giving up, by any means, and I do hope to lose more. I just won't consider myself a failure if I stay the same this summer.
And believe me, that's HUGE progress.
Oh! I can't forget to welcome Tikva Ahava--my soul sister and inspiration who was born this past Tuesday, June 10--into the world. Keep succeeding, little one, and I'll keep sending you deep breaths and strength and lots of love your way. We're all so excited to have you here :)