Tonight I went to the annual picnic for the volunteer choir I sing with when I'm at home in St Louis. Everyone welcomed me back with open arms, which I expected and appreciated. I wore a cute blue cotton dress that I bought a few days after I returned home, that makes me feel fabulous even though it's a very simple blue dress. It also happens to be a size 18/20, which I haven't been able to pull off since...well, since ever. It feels so damn good to wear this dress, in this size, and look and feel great while I'm wearing it.
At one point tonight, however, someone I love and respect stopped me to tell me how cute the dress was. The first thing out of my mouth was a playful, "I know, right?!" I then thanked her and we went about our conversation. Immediately after I said my response to her compliment I realized how pompous I sounded and how rudely over-confident I was. A simple "thank you so much" would have done the job of appreciating her compliment and showing my excitement about the dress. Maybe I'm just over-analyzing as I often tend to do, but I can't help feeling like the biggest bitch in the world for reacting the way I did. I don't want to become stuck on myself, overly proud of the work that I've done that really, I shouldn't have to be doing in the first place.
I hope I can wear this adorable dress again without feeling like the heinous human being I know I'm not. Maybe from this point forward it can be my reminder to appreciate the little things that keep us all going.
When does confidence become over-confidence? When does self-love become arrogance?
I still can't help but look in the mirror while wearing this dress and just feel so damn fabulous.