Recently, around the time when I was really excited over my date with Brian, when I was really worried about how I wasn't all that attracted to him, a good friend told me that "girls like us are never going to find attractive men. They don't want us. Just deal with it and keep seeing him."
Now, this friend is not fat. Never has been, never will be. She also isn't a pretty girl, more because of her own laziness and choosing than her natural physical appearance. She has everything she needs to be labeled as "attractive" except for the effort and attitude.
But, according to this friend, because I am fat, I am automatically put into the "unattractive" category when it comes to men. Without actually saying it, she decided that the cluster of men I have to choose from is different from that of the average woman BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT.
But what if, despite the numbers on the scale and the tags on my clothes, I think I am pretty?
What if I do believe that I have the right to choose who I want to date, the kinds of men I am interested in?
What if I think it's okay to be selective, to not want to date a guy because I'm not attracted to him?
What if I keep the faith that someday a wonderful, handsome man is going to find me and fall madly in love with me, like Link and Tracy in Hairspray?
Am I crazy for keeping these hopes with me? Is it true that the man of my dreams will never look my way because of my weight?
I so badly want to poll the men in my life and ask them what they think about this. I don't necessarily think I have the best men to ask; the only ones I trust are either gay or too sweet to tell me the truth. I just want to know what the average man would think about the following questions, provided he was single and looking:
A woman in your life comes up to you and confesses her undying love and devotion to you. She's perfect: an intelligent, sweet, funny, successful, driven, family-oriented, religious (or not, depending on your religious inclinations), beautiful girl. EXCEPT--she weighs 250lbs. Would you give her a chance, knowing she'd love you and would naturally be everything you're looking for? Or would you cast her aside, reasoning that someone better would come along?
I guess no one is perfect. It just amazes me the number of guys who'd rather date a lunatic than a girl who's working to take off too many extra pounds.
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My ever-unfolding journey from heavy to healthy.
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1 comment:
Oh, you are asking such HUGE and important questions. I had an experience when I was heavier in college where I LOVED this guy who didn't give me the time of day except as a friend. When I saw him a few years later, when I'd lost weight, he treated me so differently, gave me so much attention. Except because of this, I saw him for what he was: just a guy. Just a shallow guy who couldn't see that I was the same person then as I was in that later moment. All of a sudden I looked at him completely differently - not as a god but as a human.
When the right man finds you, regardless of your weight, he will be overjoyed because he has found YOU - his besheret, the one he's been looking for forever. And you will feel the same. You will feel recognition, a sense of the familiar, a sense of great relief. It won't matter what each of you looks like, because it will be much deeper than that. He may not look like what you imagine, but he will feel how you imagine and hope. Just stay on your path and don't settle for being with someone who doesn't make you feel excited and appreciated. No matter what.
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