Sunday, August 17, 2008

Still Hungry

Today was my first day as a true singleton, waking up alone, spending the day alone, soon to go to sleep alone. It was actually a nice day, productive and healthy. I took a nice long walk to Lane Bryant, where I found 2 cute tops in a size 18/20, which I am still not used to picking out and buying. It's pretty cool though, when I can do it. The walk was a little over a mile each way, and gave me a chance to check out Steinway Street, one of Astoria's main drags.

I started the day with yogurt, fruit, and iced coffee.
I had a lunch of a spinach, tomato, celery, carrot and green pepper salad, with oil and balsamic vinegar. Also a couple of Wasa crackers and a Laughing Cow wedge.

When I came home from my walk, I was STARVING and craving carbs. So I ate one of the fantastic whole wheat mini-bagels from the bagel place down the street (a legit NY style bagel that's the size of a Lender's bagel--2 WW points--and a wonderful thing) with a tiny bit of Smart Balance spread.

Then I ate some more Wasa Crackers, with about a tablespoon of natural, no sugar peanut butter.

Then I decided I needed to get out of the house again so I wouldn't eat myself out of house and home, so I went to the amazing fruit stand down the street to stock up for the week.

Then I came home and made a delicious ratatouille-style veggie dish, with 2 ounces of whole wheat pasta and some chicken breast for protein.

Then I ate a tiny bit more PB before I hid it in the back of the fridge so it couldn't get me into any more trouble.

Then I ate a tiny bite of the No Pudge brownies I made yesterday when I was craving chocolate.

Then I felt the need to take another walk and stopped at McDonalds for an ice cream cone. I hate to admit this, but McDonalds ice cream is one of my's completely satisfying in the summertime and I only blow 3 points for the entire cone. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting lots of sugar and simple carbs and chemicals that I don't need. But it's sure worth it every time.

And now I feel like Miss Piggy. Not that there's anything wrong with Miss Piggy. She is Gal's power animal, after all. I just feel like I did so well at the beginning of the day and botched it all up by the end. I literally feel fatter now than I did when I woke up this morning. Is that a bad sign? A sign that maybe this is becoming more than a healthy hobby?

If I begin my day with more complex carbs, will I crave them less at the end of the day, when they're harder to digest?

Today is one of those "Why can't I just be skinny???" kinds of days. When I just want to pity myself and chop off pieces of flab with a machete. Do thin people think like this? I know I'm not the only fat person who does...

At least my food for the day (well, minus the ice cream) had a ton of good nutrition. And I got over 2 miles of walking in today. And I now own 2 tops that are a size smaller than the majority in my closet. And I survived a whole day of living completely alone.

All good things.
All small accomplishments.
All part of a healthy, normal life.

It's okay to still feel crappy about myself once in awhile, right?

And I'm still hungry.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Trace, you're doing great. Look at all of your amazing accomplishments! In my opinion, they totally outweigh the tiny disappointments that you had today. You're amazing, and you're definitely my role model when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm proud of you!

Still missing having you as my roomie,