Today was my first day as a true singleton, waking up alone, spending the day alone, soon to go to sleep alone. It was actually a nice day, productive and healthy. I took a nice long walk to Lane Bryant, where I found 2 cute tops in a size 18/20, which I am still not used to picking out and buying. It's pretty cool though, when I can do it. The walk was a little over a mile each way, and gave me a chance to check out Steinway Street, one of Astoria's main drags.
I started the day with yogurt, fruit, and iced coffee.
I had a lunch of a spinach, tomato, celery, carrot and green pepper salad, with oil and balsamic vinegar. Also a couple of Wasa crackers and a Laughing Cow wedge.
When I came home from my walk, I was STARVING and craving carbs. So I ate one of the fantastic whole wheat mini-bagels from the bagel place down the street (a legit NY style bagel that's the size of a Lender's bagel--2 WW points--and a wonderful thing) with a tiny bit of Smart Balance spread.
Then I ate some more Wasa Crackers, with about a tablespoon of natural, no sugar peanut butter.
Then I decided I needed to get out of the house again so I wouldn't eat myself out of house and home, so I went to the amazing fruit stand down the street to stock up for the week.
Then I came home and made a delicious ratatouille-style veggie dish, with 2 ounces of whole wheat pasta and some chicken breast for protein.
Then I ate a tiny bit more PB before I hid it in the back of the fridge so it couldn't get me into any more trouble.
Then I ate a tiny bite of the No Pudge brownies I made yesterday when I was craving chocolate.
Then I felt the need to take another walk and stopped at McDonalds for an ice cream cone. I hate to admit this, but McDonalds ice cream is one of my vices...it's completely satisfying in the summertime and I only blow 3 points for the entire cone. Yeah, yeah, I'm getting lots of sugar and simple carbs and chemicals that I don't need. But it's sure worth it every time.
And now I feel like Miss Piggy. Not that there's anything wrong with Miss Piggy. She is Gal's power animal, after all. I just feel like I did so well at the beginning of the day and botched it all up by the end. I literally feel fatter now than I did when I woke up this morning. Is that a bad sign? A sign that maybe this is becoming more than a healthy hobby?
If I begin my day with more complex carbs, will I crave them less at the end of the day, when they're harder to digest?
Today is one of those "Why can't I just be skinny???" kinds of days. When I just want to pity myself and chop off pieces of flab with a machete. Do thin people think like this? I know I'm not the only fat person who does...
At least my food for the day (well, minus the ice cream) had a ton of good nutrition. And I got over 2 miles of walking in today. And I now own 2 tops that are a size smaller than the majority in my closet. And I survived a whole day of living completely alone.
All good things.
All small accomplishments.
All part of a healthy, normal life.
It's okay to still feel crappy about myself once in awhile, right?
And I'm still hungry.