Living in America is going to be harder than I thought.
There is temptation all around. Gone are the delicious fruits and veggies that once dominated my kitchen. Yesterday's trip to my favorite farmers market proved somewhat disappointing, especially because things aren't quite in season yet due to the rains STL has had this spring. My brother introduced me to his WW points calculator, which has only succeeded in making me feel guilty about the things I thought were okay to be eating. Many of my favorite STL treats are now off limits, which only depresses me and makes me long for Israel.
I've been in STL for exactly 24 hours now, and already I am getting myself into trouble.
On Tuesday, after the holiday weekend, I am going to call WW and get myself into meetings again. I also want to call my therapist, who specializes in Jewish meditation and healing (which, I should add, I thought was complete bullshit the entire 6 months I saw her before I left for Israel--I am happy to say my eyes have since been opened.) I am going to need all the help and support I can get in the next 2 1/2 months. I am happily open to meditation and positive affirmations and anything else she can offer me.
On the positive, I went through my closet last night and pulled out the pieces I wore in college when I was this size, happily pairing some of them with my newer clothes to create new and fun outfits. Twas great fun. I also found a bunch of clothes I wore in high school, when I was at my biggest and most miserable. Aside from one pair of ugly jeans I want to keep to remind myself of where I've been, all of those clothes are now FINALLY in a pile to give to Goodwill.
How do I mix my new, healthy lifestyle with the lifestyle I am used to living here? This is my new challenge, one I am a little afraid to take on. But I can not--I will not--fail. I will climb this mountain the same way I climbed up the mountains in the Negev; one step at a time.
Goodbye, old life. Hello, new and improved life.
At least I hope.
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1 comment:
One edit to your blog entry, if I may be so bold: Take off the very last line, where you write "At least I hope." Believe in yourself, your words just before that line are so powerful. Don't take away their power with doubt, even if you feel it. We all feel doubt, so much. But it goes hand in hand with our belief that we can change, ARE changing. And you are doing amazing. Enjoy the trip to Goodwill to give them your old clothes, and visualize yourself making more trips there in the future. I can totally see it! Keep doing your best, always. And visualizing just one step ahead on your journey.
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