Monday, July 27, 2009

Why Zumba is the Best Thing Ever

In light of my attempts to live in the moment and dwell in the joys of being home in St Louis, I wanted to share one of my favorite discoveries of the summer: Zumba. I just returned home from a class with my favorite instructor (Zumba is 3 days a week, each day with a different instructor. They're all good, but Monday night Zumba is my fave.)

For fun, and to spread awareness about an amazing (and fun!) workout, I present you with a list of reasons why Zumba is the greatest workout ever:
  1. You learn cool dances like the Mambo, Salsa and Cha-Cha, so your workout feels more like you're on the set of Dirty Dancing than in a gym burning calories.
  2. The music is fun and exciting, and it energizes you to get through the sometimes challenging routines.
  3. Your core muscles are engaged the entire time, since your hips and midsection are constant moving to the Latin beat.
  4. The workout goes fast, unlike time spent on the elliptical (which drags on forever, at least for me.)
  5. No two classes are exactly the same; the instructors are always thinking up new routines to keep the workout fresh and your muscles from adjusting to one constant routine.
  6. You can make an ass out of yourself and fit right in with the other people who are doing exactly the same thing as you--prior knowledge of dance is not required.
  7. The people (mostly women, but I've seen some men as well) are upbeat, laughing, and having a good time. No competition--just a group of people coming together to workout and have fun.
  8. Dancing is fun. You definitely realize the joys of movement and how amazing it is that the body can dance, jump, stretch, turn, etc.
  9. Someone told me the average person burns 500-750 calories in a single class. I think this is probably untrue, but I leave each class a sweaty mess, so I know I've done my body a lot of good in one hour.
  10. I can't explain why, and this is going to sound really disgusting, but I love the way the skin on my arms, neck and face looks when it's glowing with sweat. Maybe it's because I know I'm working hard? Maybe because I'm releasing toxins as I sweat? Who knows, but I take pride in walking out of each class drenched. I'm a weirdo, I know.
  11. It doesn't feel like exercise, but it is--and good exercise, at that.
I could probably think of a million more, but I need to eat dinner and get some work done.

I haven't written much about the GOOD things that have happened this summer (I save most of it for my other blog) but Zumba--and my weight lifting routine--are definitely two highlights.

Gain or lose, my body is responding so beautifully to this exercise.

Love it.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

August 11

My aunt booked my ticket back to New York today.
She has the magic touch; I tried finding fares a few times, and never had the kind of pricing luck that she had today. She found a great deal on a one-way ticket and I'll be back in NYC for under $100.

As soon as the ticket was booked, I wondered why it worked for her and not for me.
Maybe God was trying to tell me not to go back there, that I belong here in St Louis with my friends and family.
And not alone in New York.
Maybe God thought she was booking the ticket for herself...even God gets confused sometimes.

It's hitting me hard that I have to go back to NY soon.
I've had a wonderful summer (for the most part) rediscovering St Louis and realizing just how much I love it here. Even with the craziness that is my family, it's wonderful to have people to come home to who love me and want to know how my day was.
I've loved my summer job; singing with my little bits, seeing their excited eyes and the love they share when they smother me with sticky popsicle-laden hugs is such a joy.
I've loved my exercise routine, and I am looking and feeling stronger and stronger as the weeks go by. I flexed my arms in the mirror today and actually saw muscles where there once was just flab. It felt great, even though I'm still far from where I want to be. I feel strong and healthy and happy, and the JCC provides me with the most beautiful, positive energy to take good care of myself.
I've loved the life cycle events I've had the privilege of singing for and attending. Even singing my first funeral, which was sad and scary, was a good experience for this cantor-in-training.

It makes me so sad to think that I have to leave all of this behind to come back to my empty apartment in NYC. It makes me even sadder to think that I'm leaving behind this city of so much love, that feels so perfect for where I am right now.

I don't want to be alone in New York anymore.
I don't want to feel like the outsider, trying to keep up and fit in when I know in my heart that I never will.
I don't my only social life to come from HUC.
I don't want to schlep to Brooklyn to see friends who won't schlep to Queens to see me.
I don't want to pay the horrendous price for the apartment that is nowhere near worth the $1,463 I pay in rent every month.
Or play with the mice that have probably had a field day in my kitchen since I've been gone.

I'm terrified to walk into my apartment alone in 16 days.
I'm scared that I will walk into my kitchen and see dead mice all over the floors.
I'm scared that someone will have broken in and ransacked the place (though thank goodness I took everything of value--especially sentimental value--with me to St Louis.)
I'm scared to try to put my window unit air conditioners back in my windows by myself, for fear of them falling out the windows (silly, I know.)
I'm scared to spend the first night alone, crying with homesickness and loneliness.

I am going to have to be stronger than ever on that day, and try to allow the cleaning and unpacking and readjusting carry me through the sadness.

Lately it's been getting harder to resist the food I've been resisting for a long time. I've been eating way too many sweets, and comforting myself with food. I need help to get this emotional eating under control, before it consumes me and I slip up. Thank God I've been exercising and therefore not gaining any weight, but I can't keep doing this to myself.

I sometimes wonder what exactly it was that carried me through my Year in Israel, where this journey to my healthiest self began. I so easily sad 'no' to the bad foods and stuck to my diet plan like glue. I'm sure the support from my roomie, WW gang and everyone else was the key; without them I don't have much willpower. Or maybe it was the energy and vibrancy of Jerusalem. Whatever it was, I miss that magic and I so desperately need it back.

Please pray for me in the coming weeks, as I pack up my wonderful St Louis life and head back to the intensity and isolation that equals New York City.
Pray that I find some sort of magic in NYC that can help me bridge the widening gap between my two homes, and help me to find contentment and comfort without the help of food.
Pray that I meet a friend, boyfriend, or anyone who can pull me out of my NY slump, and into a place of happiness.
Pray that I find no mice on my kitchen floor, that my apartment is safe and in one piece, and my AC's don't fall out of my windows.
Pray that I can feel good about moving back there and not cry every time I think about it.

Pray that I can live in the moment and enjoy my last 16 days in St Louis, surrounded by love and positivity.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sometimes I wish my "best" friend could just understand where I'm coming from.

When she has successful and intelligent parents, no sibling to share a car for a summer with, and an attitude of "my way is the only good way", it's impossible to be the kind of best friend I need her to be.

We're going out to celebrate my birthday tonight, and I'd rather stay home and cook my own dinner for myself, despite the fact that my mother currently thinks I'm the worst daughter in the world and my brother is pissed that I'm going out and can't be at his beckon call to pick him up from work.

I'm so tired of trying to fulfill all these roles I never asked to take on. It's a lot of pressure to be someone's daughter, sister, "best" friend (when apparently my ideas are stupid) and a mother/husband to my own mother.

It was supposed to be a fun night out to celebrate my 27th. Now, it's a huge pain in the ass.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

An Emotional Outburst

All of the sudden it's hit me that I have to move back to NYC in about a month.

Just the thought of it makes my heart pound and my eyes well up with tears.

I've had a wonderful summer at home, surrounded by my family, good friends, and a community that deeply cares about me. I am so much happier here than I've ever been in NY--I don't care if I can't see Broadway shows whenever or order food 24/7. The thought of going back to my empty apartment, feeling so distant from the people that I love most, and living my life with only my school acquaintances makes me very sad.

I want so badly to smile as I step off of the airplane at LaGuardia, knowing I'm going to see people I haven't seen in a few months and once again begin studying what I love. Maybe I will try to do just that, even though it will be a cover up for what I'm really feeling; the fear, sadness, and loneliness that comes from living in such an isolated city.

This summer I've realized that life would be so much better in NY if I had someone to share it all with. As I've attended wedding after wedding, and continued my role as cheerleader for my friends' relationships, I've noticed that I really want to have someone for myself. After a year of what feels like solitude, I want someone to come home to, who can rub my shoulders and watch bad TV with me and help me bear with a city that I hate.

I'm also noticing more and more that I want to punch people who brag about their amazing relationships. Yes, I'm happy for you. Yes, I know that you're floating on air. Yes, I know he/she is the most amazing thing on the planet. Guess what? I GET IT. Shut the hell up and go and BE happy instead of bragging about it.

Now that that's said and done...

I know I'll be the same way if and when it ever happens. But I'll try to be a little more sensitive on behalf of those who, like I am feeling right now, would rather not talk to you than hear about your amazing boyfriend in every single conversation we have.

It's been a fun week of putting all my pent-up hostility into my workouts. I pretend I'm running away from the annoying people whenever I'm on the ET. You really should try it sometime (if any of you who read this are single, and now that I think about it, you're almost all taken.)

Bastards (please note the sarcasm...)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Working Out My Workouts

This summer, I've been spending lots and lots of time at the JCC. Today, I was there for almost 2 hours.

I have become what my friend Leah would call an "exercise hosebeast." It's a term of endearment, in case there was any question.

I love and adore my strength-training workouts, where I use free-weights and machines and my body's own amazing power to create muscle where there once was flab. It's been almost a month now since I've started my training, and already I feel stronger, more alive, so much more aware of what my body can do. Even my posture has improved, thanks to the core-working exercises I've been doing. Gotta love those bicycle crunches that nearly kill me every single time I complete a set. I also have big plans to continue to add kickboxing into my routine, along with whatever new classes I courageously decide to step into.

The scale, however, does not seem to be as excited as I am. For all the hours I'm putting into working hard, I've hardly lost a pound this summer.

I know I'm gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat.
I also know my body is trying to adjust to the shock of leaving it's city-walking "routine" and keeping up with 6-days of intense exercising a week.
It needs more fuel to do this properly (right?), and I am still trying to figure out the right balance of calories and the best kinds of foods to sustain my working body through these hard workouts.

I am also aware that at this point, my body needs less food overall than it used to.
I have a feeling that the days of eating over 2,000 calories and still losing weight are long gone.
My eating habits are once again in need of a change--this time, to smaller portions, which is unbelievably difficult for me. This girl likes to eat, no matter what kind of food it is.

This journey really is ever-unfolding. Every time I think I'm getting a handle on things, something needs to change so I can keep going. I know it's all part of learning who this body and this person both are, but it's frustrating. I keep waiting for results of my hard work to show up on the scale, but every week I get the same number.

At this point, I really am feeling a little lost. I know I can continue to reach my goals and learn the right things to do for my body, but I feel a little clueless at the moment.

I'm wondering if a good nutritionist can help me strike the balance between eating and exercise. Thoughts?

For now, I'm going to keep exercising like a madwoman, because it makes me feel good, strong and healthy. Not because the numbers on the scale are rapidly decreasing.

That alone--the desire to workout because it makes me feel GOOD-- is an amazing milestone in this journey. At this point, I'll take whatever I can get.