All of the sudden it's hit me that I have to move back to NYC in about a month.
Just the thought of it makes my heart pound and my eyes well up with tears.
I've had a wonderful summer at home, surrounded by my family, good friends, and a community that deeply cares about me. I am so much happier here than I've ever been in NY--I don't care if I can't see Broadway shows whenever or order food 24/7. The thought of going back to my empty apartment, feeling so distant from the people that I love most, and living my life with only my school acquaintances makes me very sad.
I want so badly to smile as I step off of the airplane at LaGuardia, knowing I'm going to see people I haven't seen in a few months and once again begin studying what I love. Maybe I will try to do just that, even though it will be a cover up for what I'm really feeling; the fear, sadness, and loneliness that comes from living in such an isolated city.
This summer I've realized that life would be so much better in NY if I had someone to share it all with. As I've attended wedding after wedding, and continued my role as cheerleader for my friends' relationships, I've noticed that I really want to have someone for myself. After a year of what feels like solitude, I want someone to come home to, who can rub my shoulders and watch bad TV with me and help me bear with a city that I hate.
I'm also noticing more and more that I want to punch people who brag about their amazing relationships. Yes, I'm happy for you. Yes, I know that you're floating on air. Yes, I know he/she is the most amazing thing on the planet. Guess what? I GET IT. Shut the hell up and go and BE happy instead of bragging about it.
Now that that's said and done...
I know I'll be the same way if and when it ever happens. But I'll try to be a little more sensitive on behalf of those who, like I am feeling right now, would rather not talk to you than hear about your amazing boyfriend in every single conversation we have.
It's been a fun week of putting all my pent-up hostility into my workouts. I pretend I'm running away from the annoying people whenever I'm on the ET. You really should try it sometime (if any of you who read this are single, and now that I think about it, you're almost all taken.)
Bastards (please note the sarcasm...)