Monday, April 7, 2008

Monday Night Report #2

I stayed the same this week. The scale was pretty nice to me considering all the crap I ate this week--pasta waaaaay too many times, pesto, gallons of olive oil (I tend to forget that it has calories...), the delicious brunch at Timol Shilshom on Friday morning, half a package of brownies leftover from Shabbat, etc etc etc. Basically carbs and fat. Terrific. Go me.

It's always disappointing to me when I stay the same, even though everyone says it happens sometimes. To me, it's as bad as gaining weight, because I know I could have done better. I think that's the voice of Grandpa Sid talking in my ear, telling me that I should have lost weight, because I didn't join WW to stay the same, I joined it to lose. I guess my disappointment is a combination of my own guilt mixed with the shame of having to tell people I didn't lose--a flashback to the disappointment I caused to Grandpa when I wasn't successful in what he wanted.

It's also a new kind of disappointment, since I now want to lose weight more for me than for anyone else. I let myself down more than I did others, and it really hurts.

I guess it's just an example of how determined I am, how much I want this. I WILL get there, I WILL keep trying, and I WILL succeed.

Just not tonight, I guess.

1 comment:

SuperMommy said...

You will, sweetie. Just keep chugging along - remember that the hills go up and they go down, and sometimes we go up and down with them. Be gentle with yourself, at the same time as you are holding yourself to such a high standard - yes, for YOU this time. That is what will get you there - doing it for you and nobody else. One day at a time.