-We are going to X place to use our 2-person Groupon. Come with us. (Third-wheeling AND playing full price while you eat your meal for pennies? I'd rather stay home alone, thanks.)
-I asked if he remembered you. He said no. (Thank you for letting me know I'm forgettable, FRIEND. Just what I need to hear right now.)
-Do you really need to be eating that cupcake? (Fuck off, I'm eating the damn cupcake.)
-Me: Let's hang out! I'd love to see you again. Him: I have to run to a meeting. TTYL. (There's a blow-off if I've ever heard one.)
-S/he is the greatest person I've never known! I just love her/him! (Go ahead, rub your amazing relationship in my face. I don't mind.)
-You owe me more money for something you shouldn't have had to pay for in the first place. (Great, cause I love spending money I don't have on things you shouldn't have bought if you couldn't afford them in the first place. Perfect.)
-I know I haven't called you or validated your existence in over a month, but I'd love to come over and "hang-out" tonight. (There's a reason I deleted you from my phone and de-friended you on FB, asshole. Take the hint.)
-The word "dialysis." (Enough said.)
-This movie is SUCH a good date movie. He kissed me afterwards for the first time. Now you'll have to go! (Seriously?!)
-You're being overly sensitive. Just let it go. (Yep, easy for you to say.)
-It wouldn't have worked out with him anyways. You're too good for him! (And you know this, how?)
I think that after the week I've had, my cynicism towards love and life has reached new heights. I don't like that it feels SO GOOD to delete wedding/engagement/relationship/baby related emails or posts on Facebook, but it's the only thing that's getting me through this insane week.
The moral of the story? You may not want to talk to this emotionally-charged girl right now if all you have to talk about are any of the aforementioned topics. You may get yelled at, hung-up on, or completely ignored. Don't say I didn't warn you.