After posting last night, I decided to step on the scale again. It was a number that was 4lbs higher than I wanted it to be.
I weighed myself again this morning, just to see what happens, and I weighed exactly 4lbs less than I did last night.
I know you weigh less in the morning than you do at night...but 4lbs less? I'm wearing the same exact clothes (I weighed myself in my PJ's last night and this morning.) I know I haven't eaten yet today, but still...weird...
Maybe it's just my scale? I'll be pissed if that's the case, considering I paid a hefty price for that scale.
I also went to sleep last night feeling like a terrible, horrible person for gaining 4 more pounds. I'm starting to feel like I did when I was a child, after a bad WW meeting or a scolding from my grandpa. All I could think about as I was trying to fall asleep were ridiculous ways to lose that weight and then some. I'd never try any of what I thought about, but it's scary to know I'm thinking about it at all.
Maybe I need a shrink?
I'm going to try really hard to be gentle with myself, to tell myself that my body is still readjusting from vacation and time away from it's normal routine and lifestyle. It's really, really hard, however, as I discovered last night. I've been in this place before, where I've gained a little and let it discourage me enough to gain it all back. I don't want to be in that place again, especially after so much hard work and dedication to this.
And the fact that I love and respect myself in a way I never have before...I don't want to lose that.
I also realized that--as of last night's numbers--I've gained back 7.4% of the 100lbs I've lost. That's a big number and it makes me feel awful.