Some recent thoughts...
The thesis-writing process was tough for many reasons. First of all, I am not an academic. I don't enjoy writing papers. Writing for intellectuals is just not my strength (and I'm really fine with that). However, the writing was the easiest part of the whole process. The hardest part was, surprisingly, the emotional stuff that kept popping up as the writing happened. I knew this process would be emotionally challenging, but in reality, it forced me to deal with so much of the crap that I've danced around for the past 29 years. New issues continue to arise as the days pass by (especially because the recital is based around the emotional journey from bondage to liberation) and I keep waiting for the healing to be complete.
As part of my thesis research, I read Geneen Roth's Women Food and God, which changed me in so many ways. She claims that the best way to deal with the pain of one's past is not by eating or turning to other addictive behaviors; rather, one should sit with the pain, feel it, honor it, and let the healing come when it's ready. I've been trying to allow the pain to come when it does, and rather than salving it with food, I'm trying to feel each painful moment. It's difficult, especially in this time of impending change and the need to put my best foot forward and find a job, but it's necessary. The catharsis is amazing in its own way...everyday, I feel a little different, a little more healed, a little more like my authentic self.
In other news, there's a man in my life :) His name is Glenn, he's 36 from Jersey City and he's wonderful. It's been an interesting journey the last 3 1/2 months, but it's so nice to have someone who is proud to call me his girlfriend and who goes out of his way to show me that he cares for me. It's not a perfect relationship (we have our issues like any couple does) and I have no idea where it's going--especially when I leave NYC in June--but I'm enjoying his company and having fun being treated like a lady.
Upward and onward, my friends.